Anxiety Attacks are a Real Beotch

So I thought getting up this morning and being able to take a benzo would help with the anxiety, and I was very wrong.  The tears, anxiety and horrible feelings were through the roof this morning.  I just could not bring myself up to facing work, facing getting out of bed, facing anything really.  I was so desperate I even called my Dad to ask if I could borrow a few grand to take a few months off work to figure things out.  He of course said no, which is what I expected, but I was that desperate to ask, which for me says something since I never ask anyone for money. And of course to top it all off my husband is furious with me for not going to work again.  I wish he would understand anger only makes the anxiety worse and makes me feel like I should just get up and go to work regardless of the fact that I can't keep myself from crying.  I just can't seem to make it out of the house without it being a big ordeal.  Even hearing my phone go off and ring for a message, call or email I start to panic.  What else will I have to deal with, what other bad news will come my way, what other obligation will I have to deal with.  I feel lost and confused and like I am asking for help but all I'm getting is "that is life" and "you just need to buck up and deal with it."  Don't people understand that when you are in the depths of depression that hearing you just need to buck up makes you feel even worse because you just can't.  My husband blamed me saying he doesn't think I want to get better, I do want to get better, I want to feel normal and not have stress, but the fact is that I have to work so he can go to school. My life seems to revolve around his goal, but he says once that goal is met then I can quit working, but I've been working with him towards this goal for over 5 years now and it will be two more before we are done and he should have had this done years ago.  So it's ok for him to take years off, but when I want a few months it's a no go, I was sposed to have 9 months to a year to take off work to get sober, I got five months in and yet again he lost his job and I had to go back to work even though I wasn't ready, and now I have all this pressure on me and I'm cracking, and all I'm getting is yelled at to pull it together.  This is all crap, complete crap!!!  I have no idea how to handle things or what to do, I have an appt with my therapist at 3 today, but I don't know what to say to her, I want to be left alone, I want freedom to stay at home and be taken care of, I don't want stress from co-workers or deadlines, I really really hate life right now and just don't think it's worth it,  I won't do anything about it, but it does sound like an appealing idea..  more later once I've had my therapist visit....