I Seem to Have a Lot to Say

I wish time would pass faster, then I wish it would pass slower.  I want to enjoy the freedom of not having to worry about work for one more day, but the feeling of guilt over not being in so far is only making it worse.  I don't want to face my co-workers knowing they can't see my illness, it's not like a broken leg, it's mental.  And for anyone who hasn't struggled with this just doesn't seem to understand.  It's embarrassing and I find myself wondering how much is all in my head, but then again I'm seeing doctors who say it is not in my head (as in I have a treatable condition that can be managed even if it is a mental illness, it's still an illness) and are prescribing me things to deal with it.  It's so complex, ahhhh, why can't life be simple, why can't we all just get along and be able to pursue our real dreams, not be driven by money and having to take care of others.  Why do I have to be the responsible one, why can't someone else take care of me for once.  I've given so much, been through so much, I really deserve to have a break.