Thursday, March 27, 2014

Did Therapy Help

Yes and no.  I still feel over whlemed, upset, and used.  I feel like a paycheck to my spouse, he just is concerned about getting through school, but we've spent five years getting to the point where he has finally started his program and has two more years to go.  How can I feel mad at a VET with PTSD who was struggling to get his shit together, and now finally has.  But I've just hit my limit and can't seem to care anymore, I have no more to give.  I don't think I am happy anymore and feel like I am constantly pulling his weight for him.  Who worked OT at shitty jobs while he played video games, who pleaded for raises and promotions to pay the bills while he took one class at a time and didn't work.  I did.  And now that he is finally doing his goal it's like it's to little to late.  It doesn't matter that in only two years he will be done, he has taken so long to do this I don't believe that I will ever be able to quit.  I think he will do well and graduate, but I think there will always be something else, some other car repair, medical expense, something.  I just can't stand the thought of supporting another human being, this was sposed to be an equal marriage and for most of it I've carried us emotionally and financially.  I'm ready to call it quits and this anxiety is not helping one bit.  I just don't know what to do.  Any suggestions are welcome.

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