Well, this will hopefully be the start of a beautiful thing. I am just now starting down the road of anti depressants, including benzo's to deal with severe anxiety. I would like to use this blog to track my progress, note how I'm feeling each day and share some tips on recovery and anxiety inspired art along the way. Having hobbies is something my therapist has highly recommended and taking myself back to 30-40 hours a week at work instead of the 60 I was working. This might mean more ramon noodles in my future, but I'd rather have my sanity than a paycheck that I'm constantly spending at the doctor due to being run down all the time.
So on to the anti anxiety meds, I've started on effexor at 37.5mg and then a week later got bumped up to 75. I still was dealing with alot if anxiety but my doc wanted to wait, so I gave it two weeks and had to call her to set up a new appt to deal with the panic attacks being so bad I couldn't go to work. So now I'm up to 150 and she gave me a very mild and limited qty of a benzo to help me through waiting for the effexor to take a greater effect. I'm not sure if this is the right way to go, but my therapist has been suggesting this for a while so I'm glad my doc is finally listening.
I'm not sure how to feel or if I will be able to make it out of bed in the morning, but unless I want to get fired I won't have a choice. Part of me feels like I don't care if I get fired, I just don't want to deal with anything anymore. I'm not suicidal, I just have overwhelming anxiety that is making it difficult to acomplish anything anymore. All I want to do is lay in bed and do nothing, getting up and leaving the apt causes such horrible waves of panic.
Well, all and all this is really just a rant to start with, hopefully as this goes I will see improvement.
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